Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Words I hate.

"At the end of the day" is one of my least favorite corporate phrases. It can be used as such:

"At the end of the day we need to get alignment from all parties involved" -Translated: "We aren't going to agree on anything today, so lets just agree to keep not making decisions for at least three more meetings"

I don't know why I hate it so much, but I do! What the heck is it even supposed to mean? For me at the end of the day, I'm usually figuring out how late I'll be so I can text my husband at let him know. My days never end!

I have some other phrases I hate too...

"Alignment" You'll notice this was used in my example above. Usually when an "At the end of the day" is involved, an "alignment" is not far behind.

"The goal of today's meeting is to get aligned for the future" Translated: " We all need to agree on the only thing we know will get approved from the higher-ups"

"Get on the same page"

"We need to all get on the same page before we proceed with our next steps" Translated: "I'm right and you all are wrong, so come on this journey with me where I prove myself right" (Note: This is from the POV of the person who uses the phrase 'get on the same page')

I'll keep adding to this....the list continues.....

Thursday, January 19, 2012

"Thank you for calling..."

Don't piss off the administrative assistant. It's just that simple. They have far more power than you think in corporate america. In regards to that silly ladder metaphor, they are the one holding the ladder stable down at the bottom and they've got the power to start shaking the hell out of the adder on your way up. (You'll note in my more accurate metaphor, they would be piloting the helicopter)

I've worked with a few administrative assistants, or "admins" as we've nicknamed them, because in corporate america God forbid we say an entire sentence of full words when we could have acronyms and abbreviations (I'll save that for another post). I've been very lucky in my career in regards to admins. For a brief time I filled a dual role that had me answering phones and being an admin for a few hours out of my day. I must say I learned quite a bit in that time but it was a journey to see that revelation. At first I thought I was "too good" for a role like this, yes I was hired at entry-level, but I surely don't deserve to do this when I have a college degree! (Graduating during the recession didn't make it easy to land my 80K/year dream job). When I got over myself I had a few realizations about admins:

1. They usually are some of the hardest working people in a company
2. They usually are older women, who have standing nail and hair appointments
3. They could moon-light as a phone sex operator with their soft spoken and kind voice
4. The enjoy having lots of office desk flare and 4,509,093 pictures of their grandchildren (Again, I'll save this for another post)
5. They've got all the blackmail and gossip, and if you catch them on a pissed off day they will spill it all.

Be careful with your admin, they are anchoring your ladder.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Corporate Ladder

I don't think the metaphor of rising up in the corporate world should be a ladder. Usually when you use a ladder, you need to do something that is higher than within reach. Perhaps it's a quick paint job, perhaps it's to hang something, or perhaps you just enjoy recreational ladder climbing. Regardless, that whole ladder concept is misleading. You see the corporate ladder is one that you continue to climb with this uncertainty of where exactly the top may be. For my idiot co-worker, he may just want to get to that second rung, and collect his mediocre paycheck for the rest of his life while going through the motions of his job. I on the other hand, had no intention of stopping until I got to the top. Until reality set in, I have no idea where the top of my ladder lies, and quite frankly most days I'm afraid to find out. In my young tenure I've learned alot, I've laughed hard, and I've yelled loud...but it's a journey to the top.

Rope ladder hanging from a moving helicopter sounds better. Yes. I'm on my quest to climb the corporate rope ladder hanging from a moving helicopter